Archive | April, 2013

Spring Breakers Is….Something

1 Apr



Brit (Ashley Benson), Candy (Vanessa Hudgens), Cotty (Rachel Korine) and Faith (Selena Gomez) are bored by their dull, college girl lives. Brit, Candy and Cotty are wild girls, we know this from the get go. They like to party but apparently the parties at their school aren’t crazy enough for them. Faith doesn’t party; she goes to youth group and seems bored by it. These four girls have been friends a long time, even though they don’t seem to have much in common with Faith anymore. It’s their dream to go to Florida for a week or two of Spring Break debauchery. The get enough money together to go, by a rather shady means, then take off to the beach with all their young, attractive (and mostly topless) friends. The four eventually get arrested at a party on drug related charges but are bailed out of jail by a very suspicious rapper/drug dealer played by James Franco. Shenanigans ensue.

I saw this movie on Saturday night with my dear friend Michelle. I wasn’t sure I was going to enjoy it because I thought it would be similar to “A Scanner Darkly” or some other drug addled movie without a clear storyline. This actually has a very clear, as well as an interesting story. There are moments of pure dread in this movie; more pronounced and effective than any horror movie I’ve ever seen. There are also moments of extreme weirdness where you’re not sure whether to laugh or cringe or just be entertained. Some critics are calling this a social commentary, which I can see in some aspects. You really have to choose for yourself how deep you want to read into it.

I really enjoyed this movie because it’s so different; it’s unconventional and unpredictable. I really liked being surprised by this movie and I especially liked how the viewers’ expectations of these four young females are subverted. And all the boobs didn’t hurt the viewing experience either. Loved how these four girls ultimately weren’t victims at all, and in fact were really the dangerous ones.

There isn’t a lot of dialogue in the movie but the performances are good, especially from Hudgens and Benson, the blonde sociopaths. Franco is also unusually good here, really pushing his limits. Normally I don’t care for Franco, but his performance here is great. He plays the role with this slimy bravado that suggests he’s dangerous, but there’s also an undercurrent of vulnerability; of loneliness.

This movie seems like a love it or hate it kinda deal. I loved how challenging this movie was but you certainly don’t leave feeling uplifted. Even with all the boobs, bikinis and young people. Spring Breakers exposes how vapid and miserable life can be, even on a beach.

Recommendation: See it with an open mind. Expect to be uncomfortable and expect your notions of femininity to be challenged. Expect a wild ride. 

G.I. Joe: Retaliation: No. Just no.

1 Apr



Okay, let me preface this by saying I am in a…..not great mood. I’m really restless and uncomfortable and slouching around groaning loudly. And not like a sexy groan. Like a bear dying.  So if this review doesn’t make much sense you can chalk it up to that.

So. This movie is called G.I Joe: Retaliation. So right off the bat you know it sucks. But my brother wanted to see it and I’m a super great sister so I totally went I must say, I was pretty excited for Channing Tatum[‘s abs]. In a very sad turn of events, he is not in the movie very much. So then I had to stare at Dwayne Johnson’s shiny bald head for two hours. Why is he head so egg shaped and his neck so short? People give Adam Sandler shit about having an egg shaped head but Sandler’s got nothing on THE ROCK.

We did not see this movie in 3D. Do you know why? Because 3D sucks balls and its really expensive.

Everyone is this movie had a very silly nickname. It’s so blatantly obvious that this movie is targeted at adolescent boys that I found it pretty difficult to watch. Hey, do you know what 14 year old boys have good taste in? FUCKING NOTHING.

Do you want to know what this movie is about? I’ll tell you. It’s about the bad guys, and they want to take over the world. And the good guys, they DON’T want the bad guys to take over the world. So then they fight. ON A CLIFF. IN THE AIR. ON THE GROUND. So. Many. Ways. So many fights.

Seriously though, I like action movies. Even dumb ones. I really liked the Expendables II. That was fun. This wasn’t fun. There were actually some interesting sub-stories in this movie, and maybe if they had expanded on those or brought them more to the forefront of the movie, it wouldn’t have been so bland. Nobody cared about the plot in this movie. Not even the director. Not even THE ROCK.  Any good parts in this movie? I guess the special effects were good and the scene where the ninjas fight on the cliff made me feel sick because it was very realistic. I do not like heights.

Recommendation:           No.  NOPENOPENOPE.

P.S. I also didn’t appreciate the way in which I was HOUNDED with commercials for this movie. If I hear the line “The G.I. Joes were terminated with extreme prejudice” one more time, I’ll make like a real bear and start ripping faces off.